Hello everyone and welcome to another exciting installment of my Transgender blog where I answer questions about what it’s like as a transgender and what happens through the transition.
I had an entire, huge video actually planned out (especially after I winged it in the most horrible fashion last week! XD). And then, of course, as all things that I jump in and start, there was a kink to my plans. SPRING BREAK!
The kids are off from school, so I have little to no free time to be alone and to be honest It’s going to drive me a little crazy.
I took a suggestion to heart about just having one or both children with me on my video this week, but to tell you the truth, I chickened out. Being in front of the camera is nerve-racking enough at the moment.
So.. while you won’t be seeing my cute as fuck kids this week, I would like to talk about them and what it’s like to have a family while going through the transition. I do plan on bringing them into the videos at some point, just not today.
My Husband & Coming Out
If you wanna learn how it all started, I’ll be posting that soon. I’m not going to bore you by typing my whole coming out to my husband at the moment though.
I will let you know that my husband has been fully supportive of the change from day one. None of my physical changes scare him (at least not yet! XD) but he seems to enjoy my overall happier, more confident mood.
I had to bring up the fact that he might be considered ‘gay’ at some point (cuz while I still have my lady parts, I present as male). It wasn’t something he fully considered, but it seems he doesn’t really care. Love is love and people is people to him. He’s a rare bird in today’s world, and I love that about him. ❤
There’s one recent story I have to tell though. Some background first: Where I currently live is a very small, some would say backwards town. Let’s just say that not all of them have caught up to society and social acceptance as it really is today (I could go further, but that’s all I have to say on the matter at the moment).
So, in this town, we were at the Walmart together and since we’ve been married for 10+ years, I don’t give holding hands a second thought. I was totally oblivious to what actually happened as we walked out the door to the parking lot holding hands until my hubby told me.
What I did notice was the young hetero couple at the Redbox staring at us on the way out. The girl was staring pretty hard but to tell you the truth, I’m kind of use to people looking at me weird most of my life. I’ve been done with being bothered by what people think for a little while now.
So, I ignored the staring and walked on. What I didn’t hear or notice was what Paul told me after we walked out the door and mostly out of earshot of that couple. One of them made a ‘throw up’ noise as we passed. Apparently it was loud enough for him to hear it but captain oblivious here totally missed it.
Paul was mostly irritated that people were so juvenile about it but was somewhat amused, or maybe confused, about their reaction to us. I put two and two together pretty quick and realized it was because we were holding hands and I pass as a male now. Until that moment it had never crossed my mind that maybe we shouldn’t while we’re out in public there? *shrugs*
Anyway, not only did they make that sound but followed us in their big (dare I say it) redneck truck all the way out of the parking lot. And again, Paul told me that they had followed us out to the car and got into their truck to follow us out. (That’s a little more scary typing it out than I originally thought it was, to be honest)
As I usually do when people act like assholes on the road, I just rolled my eyes and proceeded to ignore them as they rode my ass all the way out. I honestly have to say this is probably the first form of any type of harassment either of us have received (or cared to notice at least).
Moving on, there are two other things that I’ve been dealing with, family-wise, for a little while that I would call weird though, so here they are:
Kids Arguing Over My Gender
I’m out to my kids. Kind of. My youngest, age 8, doesn’t really understand yet and I’m not sure how to explain it any more thoroughly so I’m just being patient right now. The thing is, this always happens when we’re somewhere they shouldn’t be talking about it.
My oldest, age 11, suddenly says “Mom’s a boy” like it’s the coolest thing ever and my youngest chimes in like an irritated clock “No she’s not!” At the moment, the most I can ever do is facepalm and pull them aside to ask that they quit arguing.
I do need to have the gender vs. sex talk with my youngest soon though. I’ll let you know how that goes, but I’m going to bet he’ll roll his eyes and think I’m joking. I’ll get through eventually.
My oldest eased into the notion several months ago. To be fair, he’s had a sexuality course that discussed gender identity, sex, sexuality, and all that so it was easier for him to just accept it and move along.
I’ll update you on my progress with these two.
Not Being Out To Everyone
Now, before you start hating on me for not being out to everyone, I have my reasons. It’s not that I’m keeping it a secret. I still dress how I want to dress. I still present as male. I just don’t have that conversation with certain people in my family. Mainly because I feel they won’t understand no matter now I explain it and the last thing I want to do for an elderly member of my family is for them to be completely confused so late in life.
So for now, to them I’m still my dad’s daughter.
I never thought this would be that much of an issue (and you can already see where this is going can’t you?). Not until I decided to go to a funeral of a distant family member with this particular family member. I dress in a pair of dress pants and a button up black top and my work boots, which were my only black pair of shoes at the time.
I guess it’s a good thing I don’t know many of these relatives and friends of the family, but as soon as I got there I found myself wishing I had worn something a little more androgynous at the very least.
The person I went with introduced me as my dad’s daughter with my dead name (I kinda hate the label dead name but let’s save that for another time shall we?) and we both got the weirdest looks. I just stayed quiet for the most part. I don’t really like social situations, so why I was here at this funeral beyond family obligation was beyond me.
I will say I did have a good chuckle at the pastor that was there. He was close with my dad and this family member, so they talked for a while. The night of the funeral, he asked her twice who I was, and looked me up and down (I swear he even checked my shoes!) trying to figure me out. I probably took a little too much pleasure out of that. He never asked any more questions, and I said nothing.
The next day at the graveside service, I saw him again along with several family members that had been pretty ‘tense’ for lack of a better word the night before. They all seemed more relaxed. To be fair, I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans instead of the more masculine button up.
The entire ordeal was awkward, but I did enjoy being with my family member and because I went with her she was able to stay for the whole funeral (she doesn’t drive after dark).
So, that’s it for today. I guess I had a little more to get out than I had planned for this post. I’ll be back into videos next week.
Be sure to ask questions below and follow this blog via WordPress or RSS feed if you want to keep up with all the updates. Until next time!